Kandi Blogs About A.J.'s Death

Kandi reached out to TIME and wrote a blog about the sudden death of her ex-fiance A.J.


Why is it that every TIME something great is happening in your life it seems like its accompanied by something tragic? I have lost two very important men in my life in one week. The 1st was my Uncle Ralph, the 2nd is A.J.

My Uncle Ralph was one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. He was the type that could make you laugh even when you were pissed off and make you smile as soon as he walked in the room. My Uncle was one of my biggest supporters & he would do anything for me or the rest of my family. Even though he didn’t have any money he was always trying to give me little gifts. Which I thought was cute because he was just trying to show how much he cared event though he knew I didn’t need it. Uncle Ralph was gay & always lived his life loud & proud. He partied like a rock star growing up & still enjoyed life as an older man. We first found out about his cancer at least two years ago. It went into remission for a while & eventually came back to claim his life slowly until TIME came for him to go to GOD.



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When you loose someone to an illness like cancer it hurts bad, but at least you get a little TIME to prepare yourself for what’s coming. Some people make amends, some spend a little more TIME with the person in their last days, and others at least get a chance just to say “I love you”. When you know death is coming you get a chance to make preparations, and although its a difficult conversation you even get to ask the person what they would like to be done on their behalf. So what about when death comes as a suprise?

I hate to question God but don’t you hate when you feel like somebody was just taken away too soon? I just feel like A.J just had so much more living to do. Not that my Uncle didn’t, don’t get me wrong, but it just don’t feel right that A.J’s TIME is over.

There was so much that he wanted to do. When I spoke to him yesterday I never thought that it would be for the last TIME! A.J had a great spirit and he was a good man. He was a father of six kids but had other children that he raised and loved like his own, including mine. So AJ was a father to many. It truly bothered him the way he has been portrayed in the media and actually it has bothered me too. AJ was NOT a “Scrub” like so many people like to blog and say. He had his own when we got together. He did not need me for financial gain, nor did he use me to gain some type of celebrity. When we got together we had no clue that we would be on t.v.. In all actuality, A.J hated and was uncomfortable with being on camera. He also hated that we made the decision to be on the show. Off camera A.J was very charismatic and a friend to many. He believed in God and always genuinely tried to do the right thing.

He is gonna be missed by so many. Especially by his children, the biological ones & the ones he just claimed. When I told my daughter Riley she just cried all morning. I didn’t know what to do or to say to make her feel better. I started wondering how his other kids were handling it. That’s one reason why I feel like he was just taken too soon. Now they have no father. That breaks me down inside. They needed more TIME.

When you loose someone unexpectedly & sudden like we lost A.J there are all these unanswered questions. We didn’t get a chance to spend a little more TIME & make amends. Some of us didn’t get to say or just didn’t say “I love you”. I know I’m sitting here thinking about things I wish I would’ve done differently or things I wish I would’ve said that I’ll never get to do now. When you’re young you automatically assume that you got all the TIME in the world but then something like this happens and you realize that you’re not guaranteed TIME. It brings to life so many sayings that people say like, “Tell them that you love them everyday cuz you may never get to say it again” or “Don’t go to bed mad cuz they may not be here tomorrow”. A lot of young people don’t think about life insurance policies or wills because we think we have so much TIME. That saying TIME is valuable has never been more real to me than it is right now. TIME is way more important than money or tangible things but yet we take it for granted. Please take it from me, treasure the TIME you have with your loved ones & if there are issues or problems make sure you work it out before you run out of TIME….

Much Love,
Kandi