Thursday, March 3, 2011

Meetings At The Round Table: Do You Care Who Loves You?

It's been a while since I posted a MATRT discussion but after my recent experience, I HAD to share and see what my readers would have to say about it.  If you know me personally, or have kept up with DDT, you'll know that I'm a VERY open minded person.  While I (like everyone else) have my opinions on certain issues, I am never one to judge.  It's not my job and I wouldn't care to be one.  With that said, let's get on with the post. Oh and please excuse the language but I want y'all to REALLY be in the moment with me.

Recently I was at a dinner party with a friend.  I was familiar with some of the guests and others I had never seen before. I was at the end closer to individuals that I didn't know, but if you know me, you know I'm a people person and if you're cool, we're cool.  So, the guy next to me introduced himself (we'll call him Bobby), I introduced myself and as the night went on we shared more than a couple of laughs.  It was just a great night with great energy in the air and really nice margaritas LOL.  Towards the end of the night one of the other guests addressed my twin sister but called her Dawn (that's my name if you didn't know).  We all laughed for a while at the fact that he'd sat through an entire meal thinking I was her and she was me.  To help him and the other guests out I playfully said to them "the easiest way to tell is to look at the ring on her finger, I have no ring and I have no man" LOL.  After pointing out that difference in the two of us, Bobby started speaking to me, but much softer than he had before.  This is how the convo went.

Bobby: So, one of you doesn't care who loves you...which one is it?
Bobby: One of you doesn't care who loves it you?

At this point I'm extremely confused because number 1, where is this question coming from...and number 2, what in the hell is he talking about LOL.  Check MORE DISH to see EXACTLY what he meant!

Bobby: One of you doesn't care who loves it you?
Me: I'm not really sure what you're asking so I can't really answer your question.
Bobby:  Okay listen... I was with my girl for a while, everything was going good and then..... I started dating this guy.  I let her know what was going on and we broke up.  Now any woman that I meet I let her know off top that I've been with men before.
Me: *shocked as hell* Wow.. well let me say this, I commend you and truly respect you for your honesty.  I appreciate the fact that you give the woman the opportunity to make that decision. It's a lot of men out here doing the same thing but they aren't truthful about it like you. I appreciate that!
Bobby: Yea, I'm always truthful....But BLACK WOMEN don't look at it that way.  They're not looking at the fact that I'm not getting f*cked, I'm doing the f*cking!  I love whoever loves me.  But they look at it as if you let a ni**a suck you off, you're gay.  I don't look at it that way... I look at it like A HOLE IS A HOLE!

Y'all...he got me with the "a hole is a hole" line. I had the SUPER stunned face on LOL. Back to the convo.

Me: Really, that's how you look at it?
Bobby: Yea, that doesn't make me gay. I don't know about telling women my situation tho cuz they always have this negative attitude about it.
Me: Yes, you do know and you're doing the right thing and again, I appreciate it!  If that's how you feel about it, I respect that.  But you also have to understand women feeling the way they feel about it as well.

Someone from the table got my attention and I left the conversation, thinking it was over. Nope, it wasn't!  Bobby got my attention and starts up all over again LOL.

Bobby: So what do you think about it?
Me: What do I think about what? LOL
Bobby: The situation I just spoke of.
Me: Again, you're doing what you're supposed to (At this point Bobby kept saying "but, but, but").   If you're telling these women about your lifestyle and they are willing to accept it then that's what they're willing to accept and they are the ones that you might be able to be with.
Bobby:  You keep saying THEY!
Me: Yes THEY, cuz that's not something that I'M willing to deal with but that's just me.  Different people are willing to deal with different things.
Bobby: But that's not right.. women are able to flip flop and nobody says anything.
Me: You're right.. it's more acceptable with women, and yes it's a total double standard but that's just what it is. There a tons of double standards!
Bobby: That's f*cked up! (He didn't say this in a rude or offensive way..he was speaking of the double standard)
Me: This whole world is f*cked up, from the roota to the toota!! But there are seriously women out there that will accept it, I've heard stories of some.

At this point everyone was getting up to leave so that was literally our last words to one another.  When I left I was in complete shock at what I'd just heard.  Granted I've had men approach me before that I truly felt liked penis, but I have NEVER had one to come straight out and tell me (well he likes holes, but whatev).  When I say I have the UTMOST respect for Bobby, I really do!  I love hearing people's different takes on love and how they should receive and/or give it.  Out of that entire discussion, the thing that confused me most was the fact that he SERIOUSLY does NOT consider himself to be "gay."  Now personally, I don't care if you're gay, straight, bi or tri...but when you don't know who/what you are that can be totally confusing.  Hell, it's confusing when you do know who/what you are LOL.  Bobby stated to me that when he's with a person, that's who he's with and his partner doesn't have to worry about him stepping out.  So I'm guessing that means that if he's with a woman, she doesn't have to worry about him being with a man and vice versa.  I really would have liked to sit and talk with Bobby a little more because he seemed to be really open to talking about this, and I WILL ask a million and three questions LOL.  The main question I wanted to ask is how are you not gay if you like having sexual relations (taking, giving, sucking, blowing, whatever) with another male?  What do you guys think?  Again I say, I commend Bobby for his truthfulness and we need more of it from our black men.  Cuz while y'all playing, I know of a few men that could've been cast in "Broke Back Mountain" but they're out here pretending to like females.  Well maybe I should say pretending to ONLY like females cuz clearly, Bobby likes females, he just likes him some boy meat as well. I'm wondering if more of these "down low" men would be more truthful about their lifestyles if they felt more women would accept it? I'm also curious as to why he said "black women" and not just women in general.   Okay..comments please!!  Do you care who loves you?  I sure as hell do, LOL.

Meeting Adjourned!


Miss TK said...

FIRST AND FOREMOST, let me say that during reading this I could see your EXACT facial expressions during the talk w/him aka Bobby LoLs!

Ok, my whole outlook/take on this BI/TRI sexual thing is are you REALLY confused or do you honestly like both, as they say like your cake and eat it too! I mean we all have desires/pleasures that may be somewhat a bit much at times but seriously, who will OPENLY allow their mate to be w/another man or woman while in a relationship w/you? Threesomes happen daily, probably hourly in this world but I don't see anything progressing if the other is seriously into same sex like that.

And how is that "f'ed up" Bobby? If you like Peter, then go be w/Peter and leave Sally alone. Just that plane and simple, it's not cool at all to be hopping around from bed to bed, rather you are doing the penetrating or getting penetrated! Oh and it does make you GAY, either way you want to look at it.

Just my opinion but hey, I'm not with it either/never in this lifetime. So include me in on your list of "Don't Agree".

Good one DivaDish!

Anonymous said...

See, this right here is crazy. And he's right, there is a double standard. Women can flip flop if they want to and its viewed totally differently. Oh well, we are usually the butt of the double standards (pun intended) and now they are. They cant double dip and thats that.....

Anonymous said...

I am glad he tells the women up front that he sleeps with men but i wonder how long he will tell seeing as how he cant find a woman to go along with that hopefully he doesnt go down low bc of it....and he is GAY i dont care if he is doing the whatever he said bottom line lol he is GAY if you like the same sex you are gay i think he doesnt want to say that bc in the black community it is looked down on i think that goes to blacks (well some) being religious and youre taught that thats nasty so they have a problem with coming to terms with it. I never judge but i dont agree with the lifestyle even dogs know not to lie with their own kind but do you cause in the end God will judge you

Anonymous said...

Interesting conversation. I must admit that I am feeling a little sick at the stomach. He is ONE out of a MILLION black men willing to speak openly and reveal their conflict. I won't judge him for his sexuality; but I will castrate his ass for swiching back and forth.
AIDS is one of the leading causes of death among black women between the ages of 25-55. This crazy shit is similar to genocide. The major difference is black people are now deciding to kill themselves; especially through outrageous sex traps like the one you and "Bobby" were discussing. Perhaps Bobby and the rest of his down low, low down brothers believe BLACK WOMEN are so desperate that we will resort to a partial, part time, half time, sometime I like men, sometimes I like women kind of fool. I would appreciate it Bobby if you just make up your f?????? mind.

Anonymous said...

Ok. Im gonna be anon today because I can't remember my pswd. lol anywhoo if he feels its such a double standard and nothing is wrong with what he's doing, then he might want to keep that on the low until it's appropriate. You just met him so why is he telling you about his sex life? women who have been with women don't meet someone and say "I have sex with women all the time, do you wanna be my boyfriend?" Yes, kudos to him for being honest, but that's not a conversation to have with everybody...especially at a dinner party

kimberley said...

OK he is in denial along with alot of other men. He is Gay if he likes to have sex with men whether he is receiving or sticking. Yeah there are some men who accept a bisexual girlfriend and there are some men who dont so call it what you want. But I definitely would not accept a man that likes men. WOW you just never know anymore. Gotta ask the man if he likes men....

J' Reasons said...

my 1st question is why did he come to you with this conversation?? did he think someone there was gay and was hiding it while he was with a female that didnt know??
I hope he didnt think that was an icebreaker for a convo and was trying to holla?? *scratches head* Wow!!!

this is crazy!! my opinion if ur a guy and youve been intimate with a dude, then you sir are gay. PERIOD!!!!! and the fact that he said a hole is just a hole!!! hell if thas the case then ur probably f'n animals as well #IJS by his way of thinking.
why would a woman WANT to a date/sex a dude that is basically saying that he'll fuck ANYTHING with a hole "if a hole is a hole" smdh.
if you can even get ur self aroused by being with a man, and go thru with sex acts with another dude, by it being getting head and etc. yes ur gay dude.

Ladies ive tried to say this several times to other women, so ima say it here. if a guy wants to certain freaky things with you doesnt makes him really freaky....... that nigga gay!!! *in my Riley Freeman voice*

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